Well, i can say i failed miserably. Day one i did great, i didn’t say anything negative, i kept positive, it was hard, but i did it. However, he worked all day so it was easy not to have to deal with him. On Tuesday he was off, and i was off, i had a sick baby, so being home with him, the rage came out of me and i just got ugly. I couldn’t be nice, on Wednesday, it was the same. I can’t be nice, or maybe i just don’t want to be nice to him. I realize that when he’s around i’m mad and angry and just want to go crazy.
I asked my kids last night what they thought about me and daddy living separate i have a 7-year-old and a 5-year-old and a 1-year-old. My oldest daughter told me no, that we can’t go separate ways, because she has to have her mommy and daddy. She needs us together and not separate, i then asked my youngest and she said i want to live with you mommy and not daddy. So it just showed me the difference in their personalities. So it makes it harder for me to walk away when my oldest is like NO. What do you do, i have to figure this all out.
I have realized last night sitting down with him watching tv that he is very negative towards me. He never says anything nice to me, and he constantly puts me down. He says he joking, but i don’t think he is. I have gotten into a really dark place with him, and the fact that he put me down during the affair, to her and trashed me to her, just validates it all. I have never been in a place where i’m just fed up with everything and just want out. I usually am happy no matter what, but these past few years have been by far the worse. I am just over it all and realized that when he’s home, i sit on my phone playing games, or hanging out on FB, just because i don’t want to deal with him. What does all that mean? I think that i am 90% sure that my marriage is not going to work out, and that it’s over. I just need that extra 10% to show its face, because i am seeing that he’s not willing to change, he still wants to live like he’s single and free and that’s just not going to work for me anymore. I am still going to do my challenge, i have to start over with day 1. I have to do that tomorrow, because its 9:43am and i failed already. The minute i got home from taking my youngest to school, i got upset and ran my mouth. So tomorrow is a new day, and will start then. I just really have to something…..Just not sure what that is yet….
God has a plan 
Have you ever tried The Love Dare based off the movie Fireproof? I think it’s 40 days of challenges.
I have tried it. But I got mad because I felt like he should be the one trying to convince me to stay and work on our marriage not me. I know I shouldn’t think that but my anger was like I have nothing to prove he does.
I understand your feelings. I had those too. I only suggested it cause you were challenging yourself. Do you remember the movie? His wife was starting an emotional affair with a doctor and yet he was the one who pursued her. I’ve been rolling it around in my head to do it on my husband. Haven’t decided yet. Blessings!